


Birthday Bash 2020

by deedeeflowers



Category: Neko no Ongaeshi | The Cat Returns, 泣きたい私は猫をかぶる | Nakitai Watashi wa Neko wo Kaburu | A Whisker Away (2020)
Genre: ALL ABOARD THE ANGST TRAIN, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Modern AU, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, musical zombies, no beta we die like men, this is very silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25403332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deedeeflowers/pseuds/deedeeflowers
Summary: A series of very silly stories for The Cat Returns birthday bash.
Relationships: Baron Humbert von Gikkingen/Yoshioka Haru, Renaldo Moon/Toto, Toto (Neko no Ongaeshi) & Yoshioka Haru, Yoshioka Haru & Renaldo Moon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first prompt is just an excuse for me to write my favorite ship in my favorite way.   
> It was partially inspired by my utter confusion when I read YA with British slang.   
> This takes place in a modern au where Baron, Toto, and Muta are roommates. They're teachers at the same school, and Haru is working there as a TA.

And I’m telling ya it’s blue!”

“And I’m telling you it’s black!”

There was a soft pop from the kitchen, and a groan from Muta followed by Toto’s snicker.

“What are they fighting about this time?” asked Haru.

“I haven’t the slightest idea,” admitted Humbert. 

Haru bit back a sigh as she scratched out a line in her notebook. So much for a quiet place to study. Humbert, after three years of living with Toto and Muta, sipped his tea with a serene sigh. Still in his suit, with his ginger hair perfectly coiffed, he looked the picture of serenity. A picture of serenity that was quickly ruined with the arrival of his roommates; large man decked in an apron in a shouting match with the wiry man in a black turtleneck. Both were covered in flour and what looked suspiciously like grape jelly. 

“Hey shortstack,” grunted Muta, nodding to Haru.

“Hey Muta. I’m guessing the tarts aren’t ready for the bake sale,” said Haru with a smirk.

“Aw shaddup.” muttered Muta.

“Don’t be rude,” said Toto, elbowing Muta. His flushed scowl turned to a gentle smile as he looked back at Haru.

“Good to see you again Haru. Sorry about the mess, we just had a slight mishap in the kitchen.”

“Slight?” chuckled Muta. “Those tarts were a disaster before you dropped the powdered sugar.”

“They were most certainly not!”

“You wanted to add cardamom!

“Cardamom is delicious!”

“Not to elementary schoolers! And they’re the ones that will be eating those things!”

“No, their parents will be eating them. And the PTA will be judging them! I refuse to bring subpar goods!”

Humbert walked between the two, gently placing a hand on one of their shoulders.

“Gentlemen,” he began. “Perhaps you should resolve this issue when you’re both less…”

He pulled his hand away from Toto’s shoulder, both of which were now covered in jelly.

“Sticky,” finished Humbert with a wrinkled nose.

“You may have a point,” said Toto with a sigh. 

“Yeah,” said Muta, looking down at the purple splotches on his apron.

Both the men looked at each other, looked down the hall, then looked back at each other with narrowed eyes.

“Dibs on the shower!” the two men shouted in unison, making a beeline for the bathroom down the hall.

“Hey, I called it!”

“Get your ears checked, chicken legs! I called it!”

“Come back here and say that to my face!” 

“Oh you’d love that wouldn’t you?!”

The bathroom door slammed shut, muffling their arguments.

Haru sighed, closing her notebook.

“How long did you say you lived with those two?” she asked Humbert.

“It’s been about five years now.”

“And have they always been like this?”

“Not always. It was actually much worse, if you can believe it. But they sorted things out after the first few months.”

“Honestly, I don’t know how you stand it Humbert. This noise drives me crazy.”

“It’s not all bad. And if I ever really need the quiet I have earplugs at the ready. Besides, it's when it gets quiet that I start to get worried.”

“What's so bad about the quiet?” asked Haru. Right now, quiet didn’t sound too bad.

“That’s what happens when they fight. They go for days without speaking to each other. There’s tension you could cut a knife through.”

“Wait, what? You don’t call what they were doing just now fighting?”

“It’s more of an argument. They’re not angry with each other, Haru.”

“Not angry? Humbert, they just got into a shouting match.”

“Yes, I know. But they enjoy the arguments.”

“Why would they enjoy arguing?”

Humbert looked at her with a quizzical frown, as if he wasn’t sure if she was being serious.

“What? It’s a valid question.” said Haru, her face growing warm.

Humbert’s brows shot up, his jaw dropping.

“You don’t know?” he said.

“Know what?”

Humbert’s ears turned pink. He coughed lightly into his fist, and seemed to find it hard to look at her.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Humbert, what’s going on?” snapped Haru.

“Well, it’s just that...it’s as I said before, they like arguing with each other. A lot, actually.”

“Ok...” said Haru, still visibly confused.

“They like it so much that they, well, they like to, oh bother, I suppose I should just say it.” said Humbert with a sigh.

“They snog.”

“Snog?” said Haru.

“Snog. Constantly,” said Humbert ears and cheeks even pinker.

It took till the pink seemed to reach Humbert’s neck for Haru to remember what Humbert called the breathless kisses between his sister and her wife.

“What?!” she gasped.

“It’s true.”

“Why am I just learning this now?”

“In my defense, I thought you knew.”

“How could I have possibly known?”

“Well, they’re not exactly subtle.”

Haru leaned back in her chair, letting this new revelation sink in. She never would have guessed, but in a strange way, it made sense. They argued all the time, but the two worked like a well oiled machine when they wanted to. They were both good men, who would kill for the people they cared about, and that included each other. She knew that the two cared about each other...she just didn’t realise they cared in that way.

“So when they aren’t arguing they...snog?”

“Constantly.” said Humbert with a tired sigh.

Haru couldn’t help the giggles that bubbled out of her.

“You know, I didn’t see it but in retrospect, it explains a lot.”

“Again, I was certain you already knew.”

“Well, I know now. You know, you probably just explained this in the most British way possible.” Haru lifted her teacup with a giggle.

“I was under the impression you liked tea.”

“It’s not just the tea, though. ‘Snogging?’ You could have just said they kissed.”

“Believe me, Haru, there’s a difference between snogging and kissing.”  
“A difference, huh?”  
Haru looked at Humbert with a thoughtful frown, and looked down at her scattered paperwork. She wasn’t going to get anything done today. She might as well make the most of her evening.

“You know Humbert, I think I need to brush up on my english,” she said, gathering her papers and putting them back in her satchel.

“Nonsense, Haru,” Humbert said, relieved at the change in conversation. “You're practically fluent.”  
“But I’m not fluent in british english,” said Haru with a smile. “And who better to teach me then a native speaker?”

“That’s true…” said Humbert.

“English is such a nuanced language. I want to be sure to get it right. For instance, snogging isn’t the same thing as kissing, correct?” Haru’s smile had an almost wicked glint.

“Not exactly..”said Humbert with a small smile.

“But it can involve kissing?” said Haru moving closer to him. Humbert ears were starting to turn pink again.

“Traditionally.” said Humbert. He wrapped an arm around her waist, and she leaned into his touch.

“I still don’t think I understand that word,” she lied. “Do you think you could show me?”

“Perhaps.” said Humbert, practically purring. “Practical demonstration is the key to learning a new skill, after all.”

Haru snorted and giggled into Humbert’s collar.

“You are such a dork.” she said breathless.

“Pot, meet kettle,” said Humbert.

“Come on,” said Haru, as she got off the couch. “Let’s continue this English lesson in private.”

*****************  
“They make a cute couple, don’t you think?” cooed Toto from the bathroom door.

“Since when were those two dating?” sputtered Muta.

“You’re lucky you’re cute, Muta.”


	2. Movie Extra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a crossover with and adorable movie called "A Whisker Away." "A Whisker Away" is about a young girl who gets a magical mask that allows her to turn into a cat. There are mild spoilers for the end of that movie so if you like, watch it on Netflix before you read this chapter. 
> 
> When I was watching "A Whisker Away" I couldn't help thinking that the Mask Seller looked vaguely familiar....

It was 2 am when the bounty hunters came to Haru’s doorstep. At first she thought she was dreaming. She had awoken to the sound of shouting voices and animals yowling, looked bleary eyed at her alarm clock and had almost turned over the covers and gone back to sleep. Then she heard Muta shout in alarm, and the sound of something breaking and suddenly she was wide awake and running down the steps and out to her front yard.  
“If Muta’s broken the mailbox again, I swear...” growled Haru, opening the door. The mail box lay on the ground, broken in half, but that was not what got Haru’s attention.  
There was Muta, standing on his back paws, surrounded by a trio of small animals, all wearing strange blue robes and wielding glowing weapons.

“Look ya little menaces, I’m not playing games.” Muta snarled hackles raised. He leaned heavily on his left side, holding his shoulder.

“Neither are we.” growled the fox, net poised at the ready.

“Your reign of terror is over,” said the duck, staff pointed at Muta.

“Reign of- look you have the wrong cat! I didn’t do anything...at least nothing that warrants this much arresting.”  
“We won’t let you hurt anymore humans!” shouted the raccoon who had a manic look in her eye, even though she held only a small glowing orb. Muta looked more nervous about the orb than the other weapons. Muta’s eyes darted back and forth until he saw Haru.  
“Kid!” he called out with relief. “These fellas mean business. Go get help!”  
“Don’t bother tricking an unsuspecting human into doing your dirty work. There’s no escape for you!” cried the Raccoon, lifting the bauble higher into the air.  
Haru didn’t know what that bauble in the raccoon's hand did, but she had a bad feeling that if it was activated, Muta would be gone for good.  
Haru reached down, plucked Muta off the ground and held him tightly to her chest. Muta let out a squawk, muffled from her pajama sleeve, his back paws kicking uselessly in the air.  
“Alright, that’s enough!” she shouted, glaring down at the animals. The raccoon and the duck looked up at Haru with shock.  
“Stay out of this human,” sneered the foxed. “This doesn’t concern you.”  
“Oh I think it does,” said Haru, staring down coldly at the fox. “You’re on my property and attacking my friend.”  
“Friend?” barked the raccoon with a bitter laugh. “That miserable excuse for a cat is no friend to humans.”  
“I beg to differ. So leave him alone.” said Haru.  
The duck held up his wings in a placating manner, ushering the raccoon and fox behind him.  
“Look human-”  
“Haru.”  
“Haru,” amended the duck. “I don’t think you understand what’s going on.”  
“I think you’re attacking my friend.”  
“I’m afraid your friend isn’t who he says he is.”  
“Well, I-ow!” Haru yelped, dropping Muta to cradle her hand.  
Muta landed plopped onto the ground at Haru’s feet, his fur bristling..  
“Did you seriously just bite me when I was trying to defend you?!” said Haru.  
“I’m a grown cat. I can defend myself just fine.”  
“You literally just told me to help you!”  
“I meant to call the others! Not pick me up like one of your plush toys!”  
“Hey!” snapped the raccoon.  
“Well I’m sorry, I panicked. Why didn’t you head to the bureau if you needed Toto and Baron?”  
“Your place was closer.”  
“Hey!” said the raccoon.  
“What happened to being stealthy when you’re in this kingdom? I could hear you from my bedroom. It’s a miracle my mother didn’t wake up.”  
“Look, I obviously had some other things to deal with.”  
“Hey!” screamed the raccoon.  
“What?!” snapped Haru and Muta in unison.  
“We are not going to be ignored!” snarled the raccoon. “Not by some ignorant human or a filthy criminal!”  
“Ignorant?” said Haru.  
“Filthy!?” roared Muta.  
“We are here to do one thing, and one thing only.” said the Duck, “Arrest that criminal,” he pointed at Muta, “and bring him to the lord and lady of the tree, so he can undo his terrible curse.”  
“And get the bounty!” added the fox with a toothy grin.  
“...and get the bounty,” the duck amended.  
“Bounty?” said Muta, looking oddly pleased.  
“Curse?” repeated Haru. “Ok, I think there’s been some kind of misunderstanding. Muta can’t create curses.” She paused and looked down at the white cat. “Can you?”  
“Course not. If I could, I would have turned Toto into a feather duster years ago.”  
The duck was lowering his staff, a thoughtful look on his face. Muta grinned and asked the duck, “So my bounty is up, huh? How much am I worth now?”  
“Muta!” scolded Haru.  
“So you admit that you’re a criminal!” said the raccoon.  
“No! I mean, yeah but-I didn’t do anything that bad!”  
The cat kingdom would beg to differ, thought Haru, but she didn’t think saying that in front of the trigger happy raccoon would be wise.

Before the raccoon could reply, the bauble was snatched out of her hands by a pair of talons. Haru grinned, as Toto dropped the bauble into her outstretched hands. Baron landed next to Muta, rising to his feet with practiced grace.  
“Good evening Miss Haru. I hope I’m not interrupting.”

“Not at all. You’re just in time.”

“On time my tail! It’s about time you showed up you pin cushion-gah!” Toto swooped down again and swiped at Muta’s head.

“Try being grateful we showed up at all you idiot.” snapped Toto.  
The duck gaped at them. “Who are you people?!’  
Baron smirked, tipping his hat.  
“How rude of me, I should have introduced myself properly.”  
“Here comes the theatrics,” grumbled Muta. 

Baron tossed his cane into the air, catching it with a twirl until it was pointed directly at the duck’s beak.  
“I am Baron Humbert Von Gekkingen. And we...are The Cat Bureau.”  
“Who?” Asked the duck.  
“The...the cat bureau. The helpers of the helpless? We save creatures across countless kingdoms?”  
“Never heard of you.”  
Haru didn’t think Baron could look flustered, but tonight was full of surprises .  
“That almost was worth all the stupid crap I’ve had to put up with tonight.” Cackled Muta.  
Baron cleared his throat “nevertheless, Muta is one of us. If you wish to capture him,  
I’m afraid you will have the rest of the Bureau to deal with.”  
“The duck stared down Baron with a look of distaste.  
“You call yourself a defender, but you’d protect him? Don’t you have any idea what he’s done?”  
“I know exactly what he’s done. Which is why I know you have the wrong man.”  
the duck paused, and looked at Muta.  
“He was pretty easy to track. Our target is rumored to be much more elusive.”  
‘You mean we’ve been tracking the wrong cat this whole time?! Why didn’t you say so?” Cried the fox.  
“We did say so!” said Haru and Muta.  
The duck sighed, tucking his staff under his wing.  
“It seems we were mistaking. I apologize for the inconvenience sir. And for the..property damage,” the duck eyed the broken mailbox with an embarrassed frown. He pulled out a small card from his pocket, handing it to Baron.  
“Please use this to contact us with this, and we can discuss compensation for your troubles.”  
“Quite,” said Baron, placing the card in his pocket.  
The duck nodded, and with a wave of his wing, the fox and raccoon followed after him.

“What just happened?” said Haru.  
“That’s what I’d like to know,” growled Muta, rubbing his shoulder. “This is the third time today some green bounty hunters have been after me. What gives?”  
“I believe I have the answer to that,” said Baron. He turned to Muta, pulling a large scroll from his pocket.  
“This arrived at the Bureau’s door. And it looks like they’re being sent across every kingdom.”  
Baron unrolled it in front of Haru and Muta. Haru couldn’t read the text, but the picture on the front was easy to recognize On the front was an illustration of a large white cat, with a spot on his ear and a sinister smirk. The illustration was almost an exact match for Muta.

**********************************

“He’s known only as the Mask Seller.” said Toto. “He’s some sort of cat that specializes in transforming creatures.”

The four had returned to The Cat Bureau. It had seemed like the safest place for Muta at the moment. Muta shoulder tended to, was more furious than ever.

“That’s all? Why all the fuss a bounty then?! I did way worse in my first life than that!” 

“I wasn’t finished, you overgrown hairball,” said Toto.

“Guys, please,” said Haru, “it’s way too early for this.” She had gotten a chance to rest a bit while Muta was tended to, but she still felt exhausted.

“Toto,” she continued with a yawn, “please just tell us about this Mask Seller?”  
“Right,” said Toto. “The Mask Seller’s game is to give masks to unsuspecting humans and these masks allow them to live as another creature. The problem is what he asks for in exchange.”  
“And what’s that?” asked Haru.  
“Their own face,” said Baron. “Once they give up their old life, it becomes a mask that the Mask Seller can use as he pleases.”  
“And that’s not all,” said Toto. “If someone chooses to stay as a creature with a smaller lifespan, the Mask Seller can keep that time for himself!”  
“Why would anyone make the trade if that was what it cost?” asked Haru.  
“I’m afraid most of the Mask Seller’s victims don’t realize what they’re giving up until it’s too late.”  
Haru looked at the two in horror.  
“Why haven’t we done anything about this before?”  
“This is actually the first time any of us had heard about these deals. And even if it wasn’t, I’m afraid there’s nothing we could do. A contract is a contract, and the only person who can break it is the Mask Seller himself. The only other way to return to their original body is to find the mask of their true face and wear it. And that doesn’t happen too often.”  
Haru felt sick to her stomach. This case was starting to become painfully familiar. She felt a gentle gloved hand cover hers, and she looked up to see Baron looking at her with concern. She smiled weakly, and wiped at the corner of her eye.

“So what changed? If what the Mask Seller was doing to people wasn’t illegal, why are there bounties for him now?”

“It said on his wanted poster that he took the face of a human child.”

“That would do it,” said Muta. “Most contracts are binding, but only if the person making them can consent to it. A kid couldn’t legally agree to the deal.” He clenched his jaw, “pipsqueak is probably younger than Haru was when…” he growled unable to finish the thought, and stomped over to the cupboard. He pulled out the small cake in the cupboard, and began to munch on it violently. Toto looked down at his talons sorrowfully, too upset to even attempt to snipe at Muta. Baron almost appeared calm if not for his free hand, which was clenched and trembling with rage. Haru was suddenly tempted to smash something. Preferably over that Mask Seller’s head.

“Please tell me we are going to stop this creep.” said Haru.

“Naturally,” said Baron with a cold glint in his eye. “We even have a lead. His place of business is in a place called Cat Island.”

“Well then, what are we waiting for?”

***********************************************************

Cat Island seemed to be the opposite of the Cat Kingdom. The island was a sprawling city compared to the green fields and scattered homes in the Cat Kingdom. It was closer to a multilevel marketplace, with warmly lit stalls, the scent of thousands of spices in the air, and thousands of voices talking all at once. Cats dressed in festival clothes walked to and fro, going about their business.  
Haru was worried about getting through the crowds, but when they were spotted they were gaped at and given a wide berth.

“Yeesh, You’d think they’d never seen a doll, a crow and a girl before,” quipped Toto, perched on Haru’s shoulder.

“Not on the island,” said Baron, in step with Haru. Muta was ahead of them, ears press back and growling constantly. He had worn a festival coat in an effort to blend in, but the three of them following him still made him stand out. “You can only find the island if you already know it’s there and only a cat can find it. Humans can’t even see it. Well, most human’s anyway.”

“One of the perks of being able to talk to cats, I guess,” said Haru. 

“There must be thousands of cats here, how are we going to find this Mask Seller?” said Toto,  
Before the words finished leaving his beak, there was the crash of splintering wood and a sinister laugh. The group turned just in time to see a large cat leaping in the air many levels above them, carrying a small frightened kitten in his paws.  
“I’m guessing that’s our Mask Seller,” said Haru in a dry tone.  
Muta, growled and sprinted after the cat, the other three members of the bureau not far behind.  
“Looks like he’s headed for the top of level,” said Baron. “If we take the gondolas we should be able to get to him. Toto, see if you can slow him down.”

“With pleasure,” said Toto taking off and flying in the white cat’s direction.

By the time they had reached the upper levels, the white cat had disappeared into the top level. Though they were moving very quickly, the gondola felt agonizingly slow. Muta was pacing furiously, looking venomously at the spot where they had last seen the Mask Seller.

“Wearing my face, kidnapping kits...I’m gonna kill him.” he snarled, “I’m gonna murder that filthy excuse for a cat.”

“While I share your feelings,” said Baron, “we may need him alive to reverse what he’s done to the child.”  
“Then I’ll kill him after.”  
“Muta…”  
“Fine, I’ll just beat him up enough that no one would mistake me for a creepy kidnapper again.”  
Baron clenched his cane with a frustrated sigh.  
“Muta,” she said.  
“What?!” he snarled. In this world, he towered over her, but Haru didn’t even flinch. She gently placed a firm hand on his uninjured shoulder.  
“I’m angry too,” she said softly.  
Muta looked ready to snarl at her again, but instead, sighed, slumping onto the bench.  
“This is a mess,” he said, head in his paws.  
“I know. But we’re going to fix it.”  
“Yeah yeah.” he raised his head to look at her suspiciously, “I guess you don’t want me to beat him up,”  
“Don’t be ridiculous, I just want you to save me a punch or two.”  
Muta blinked then he threw back his head, roaring with laughter.  
“I think I can manage that.”  
“Good,”  
Baron looked at the two of them, mouth agape.  
“What?” they said in unison.  
“”Nothing,” he said with a sigh. Muta shrugged and turned away, while Baron muttered something that sounded suspiciously like ‘terrible bloodthirsty influence’.  
At last, the gondola arrived at the top level. The three of them dashed out the door and towards the glowing pit in the center of the level. Toto flew down to meet them.  
“Is the child alright?” asked Baron.  
“She’s fine. Better than fine actually.” The four stopped at the edge of the pit and saw a peculiar sight. A group of cats had the Mask Seller pinned beneath them. The kitten was free, a mask clutched in her teeth, and she was walking towards the exit in step with a young boy in a middle school uniform. Both of them were grinning from ear to ear, waving farewell to the cats, unconcerned with the furious Mask Seller futilely trying to escape the cats pinning him down.

“She had just gotten the mask back by the time that I got here.” said Toto, a relieved smile on his beak.

“Did we seriously miss the whole fight?” said Muta.

“Looks like it,” said Haru, her beginning to ache. “Does this mean we can go?”  
Suddenly, the Mask Seller broke free from the cats and had leapt into the air with a triumphant laugh. Just as his feet touched the platform, Muta ran forward and punched him in the stomach.  
The Mask Seller was knocked back into the pit, and he laid there groaning.

“Ok,” said Muta. “Now we can go.”


	3. Bloopers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang is in a movie. Some of them take it less seriously than others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This prompt was inspired by Real Time Fandub Games from Snapcube. If you want to laugh till you cry, watch it on youtube.

“You’ve been captured once again princess.” Muta boasted, in his signature evil accent. He loomed over Haru menacingly. Haru was tied securely to the chair. She kept her head bowed, flinching whenever Muta got too close. She looked beaten down and small with the wig masking her face. Haru liked that the wig could hide her irritated grimace. It itched, and it took all her willpower not to wiggle out of the trick rope and scratch the back of her head.  
“How many times are you gonna run?” demanded Muta, startling Haru out of her thoughts. Right. She had to focus. Her que would come up soon, and she could start her heartfelt speech about hope and love and...  
Shit, what was she going to say again? Her mind was blank with panic, speech forgotten, lost in a litany of panic expletives.  
“When are you gonna give up? Seriously, I’ve captured you seventeen different times!” Snapped Muta.  
That’s your que! Say something you idiot! screamed a panicked voice in her head.  
“Well,” she said looking up.  
“I think it’s gonna be at least 18.” she said with a small smile.  
Muta stared down at her, menacing frown hidden under the fake mustache. Neither one of them blinked.  
Behind her, Toto wheezed. Yuki snorted. A trickle of stifled laughter soon followed. By some miracle, Haru and Muta didn’t break eye contact. Muta, not missing a beat, sighed and rubbed his brow.  
“The audacity of this bitch,” he growled still in his evil accent.  
The studio roared with laughter.

“Cut!” yelled the director through the cackles. Muta and Haru both started snickering.

“Miss Yoshioka, I appreciate your sense of humor, but please try to say your lines this time?” the director rubbed his brow.

“Sorry sir.” she called.

“I’m not,” chuckled Muta. “We’ve gotta keep that.”

“I don’t think ‘bitch’ will make the pg rating,” said Haru.

“Alright everyone!” interrupted the director. “We all had a good laugh, let’s try that scene again.”

Haru sighed, rolling her shoulders. Toto came by with his makeup bag, and adjusted her wig.

“You doing ok kid? We can take a break.” asked Muta.

“I’m good. Just kind of embarrassed I forgot my line.”

“Wait, you forgot? You mean you just came up with that on the spot?!” 

At Haru’s embarrassed smile Muta and Toto burst out laughing.

“You’re quick kid, I’ll give you that.” chuckled Muta.

“You should help me with my improv class.” said Toto

“Maybe later. I just hope I didn’t upset the director too badly.”

“Don’t worry about it. You couldn’t see it, but he was laughing too. Besides, he’s gonna have other things to think about soon enough.” Muta said with a snicker.

“What’s that supposed-”

“Places on the set!” shouted the director. Toto grabbed his bag and rushed off the set. At once Muta was the nefarious villain, and Haru bowed her head meekly.

“And Action!”

“You’ve been captured once again princess.” Muta boasted, in his signature evil accent.

Haru kept her head bowed, flinching whenever Muta got too close.

“How many times are you gonna run?” demanded Muta, ““When are you gonna give up? Seriously, I’ve captured you seventeen different times!” 

Haru trembled in her bonds, but looked up at Muta with defiance in her eyes.

“I’ll never stop fighting you, you wicked creature! I may not stand a chance against you, but as long as I have hope, I will fight! And I have hope! Hope for my people! Hope for the revolution! And most of all, hope for my hero!”

It had taken a long time for Haru to say those lines with a straight face.

“That fool can’t save you now.” growled Muta. “No one can!”

“That’s what you think!” shouted a voice from above them.

“Impossible!” stammered Muta.

“Nothing is impossible with the power of love.” said Haru looking up to the sky with a rapturous smile. 

It had taken an even longer time for Haru to say that line with a straight face.

“I couldn’t agree more, my princess.” said the voice. There was a swish and they both saw a man clad in red swing down from the ceiling and land between. Haru saw Baron’s smirk beneath his wide brimmed hat.

“Now at last you will face justice, villain, for I am ...The scarlet knight!”

He stood up triumphantly, cape billowing in the breeze.

Haru took one look at him and burst into laughter. The rest of the crew followed. Muta was actually laughing so hard he had to lean against her chair.

Baron looked at them all with a quizzical frown, still unaware that someone had written ‘This Space for Rent’ on the back of his cape.

From his chair, the director sighed, but he couldn’t hide his smirk. 

“Let’s just break for lunch.”


	4. Musical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Bureau investigates a small island where strange things begin to happen...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonus points if you can name all the songs in this chapter. But if you can't, I've got the names of the songs on the bottom notes.

Being the only human member of the Bureau often meant doing reconnaissance, and it was one of the many perks of her job. She was lucky to see and experience different cultures around the world. And for the most part, it was actually pretty relaxing. She’d spend a day or two in town, keep an ear to the ground and report back anything strange. She’d lost count of how many times she’d gotten clues she’d gotten just eating lunch at a beautiful park, or a cozy cafe. 

Her visit to the town of Sister Bay was anything but relaxing. 

She had arrived at the town ridiculously early, people just starting to leave for their jobs, so Haru made her way to a coffee shop for some breakfast.

The barista was a small, cheerful woman who smiled at Haru as she walked in. Her name tag was covered in stickers, and read Becky.

“Good morning...Becky” Haru said with a smile. “Could I get a small coffee with cream?”

Becky looked a Haru, and her grin stretched even wider.

“Coffee?” she repeated.

“Yes…” said Haru. Perhaps it was a cultural difference, but that smile made her feel..unsafe. “Just coffee, please.”

Becky nodded, smile still in place and called out behind her, “Ladies! We’ve got customers!”

Two other baristas with equally wide grins joined Becky, lining up between her.

And then they began to sing.

_ “Get your cup of roasted coffee. _

_ Your morning cup of Joey _

_ We'll make a jamming cup of java _

_ Mocha latte with the froth for you, Jack _ ”

There were two more verses, the trio of women ended their song with a flourish of jazz hands. 

“Huh,” said Haru, holding her coffee numbly. She paid for her coffee, walking out of the shop as quickly as she could.

She looked out at the street, and saw the people of the town weren’t walking, they were dancing.

“Okay…” she said. “I think I need backup.”

*************************************************************

Toto arrived at the park not long after she called them. Unfortunately, it was just Toto.

“Where are the others?” she asked as he landed on her shoulder.

“Emergency call.”

“Of all the times we could have used back up,” cried Haru, running her hand through her frazzled hair.

“Haru, what happened?” Toto asked in concern, he hopped from foot to foot in nervous agitation. “ I thought you were just doing surveillance.”

Haru looked nervously, behind her, and walked behind the larger oak tree. Toto hopped off her shoulder onto a nearby branch so they could talk eye to eye.

“Toto, I need you to listen, but before I tell you what’s happening….I need you to really think, about the implications of what I’m saying.”

“Okay...I will.”

Haru took a deep breath, and stared directly at Toto. 

“I think...that somehow, this town is trapped in a musical.”

Toto opened his beak to respond but Haru waved her hand.

“Before you say anything else,  _ really think _ about the implications.”

Toto looked at her quizzically, then stared thoughtfully at his talons.

“Ah,” he said.

“I know,” she said.

“Does that mean...what  _ does _ that mean?”

“All I know is that I’ve been here for three hours and I haven’t seen a single person blink.”

Toto’s beak dropped “Ah,”

“Are Baron and Muta coming back soon?”

“Not until tomorrow”

“Wonderful…” She groaned.

“Should we leave? Wait till the others get back?”

“That might be the safest thin-”

There was a cold hand on Haru’s shoulder. Haru shrieked, jumping forward and almost knocking Toto of the branch.

“Woah, easy,” A man in a worn coat stood behind her, hands up in a placating manner. “I just wanted to know if you had any spare change.”

“Oh, said Haru, with a relieved chuckle, “um, actually I don’t I used the last of-”

“Oh that’s ok,” said the man, waving her off and walking away from her.

“Huh,” said Haru. “I thought for sure he-”

The man swung back to face her, a grin on his face.

“ _ Cause I may not have a home,”  _ he sang.

“There it is,” she groaned.

“ _ But that’s way ok. Cause I prefer to roam _ , _ the streets all day _ .” he continued oblivious to her beginning to back away.

He ignored her as she broke out into a run, Toto flying by her shoulder.

“Ok, I hadn’t thought of the implications.”

“We may have to handle this on our own.”

“Did you get any leads?”

“I think it’s coming from the old theater. Ironically enough, it seems to be the only quiet building in town.”

“Can we make it there?”

“There tends to be a break between songs, so I think we are in the clear.”

  
  


Then the construction workers in front of the theater started rap battling. 

“I’m beginning to hate musicals.” said Toto.

**************************************************************

Baron and Muta arrived at the Bureau well past midnight. Haru and Toto collapsed in the living room, Haru on the couch, and Toto on his perch. Haru’s clothes were covered in grime, holding her baseball bat. On the table between them was the remains of a cymbal-banging monkey toy. 

Haru looked up at Baron.

“Hey guys, you're back” she said. She waved at them, bat still in hand. “Look Toto, they’re back.”

Toto, not bothering to lift his head, waved at them with a single wing and grumbled.

“What happened?” asked Baron

“Don’t ask,” grumbled Haru.

Why is there a wind up monkey in the-”

“Don’t ask,” said Haru and Toto.

The monkey twitched. Haru leapt to her feet, and smashed it with her bat. When it stopped moving, she collapsed back on the couch with a sigh.

Muta, without saying a word, grabbed a bottle from the shelf, poured the contents into several glasses. He handed one to Haru, and she downed it in a single gulp. Muta handed the larger glass to Toto , and he grumbled thanks. He downed his glass almost as fast as Haru did.

"Musicals,” said Toto.

“What?” said Baron.

“The town was trapped in a musical.” 

“Really? A musical?” asked Muta.

“Yep,” said Haru.

“So...everyone just started to sing and dance for no reason? Like a bunch of music zombies?”

“Pretty much,” she said

“That’s the... _ stupidest thing that I have ever heard!” _

“No!” she shrieked.

“Gotcha,” Muta snickered. 

Haru’s blazer hit his face with a satisfying thwack.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The two songs from sister bay are "Cup of Roasted Coffee" and"Lah Dee Dah Dah Day" from The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals. It's also the inspiration for this prompt. Muta starts singing "It's a Musical" from Something Rotten.


	5. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Musings from Baron

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, this one is a bit of a bummer. Everyone all aboard the angst train!

There were stories about Creations like Baron. Not just of how they came to be, or who they inspired, but what came after. What they did when their creator’s passed. When their people were gone. Baron didn’t remember much about the sculptor who made him and his twin. He remembered the violinist more.

He remembered the light in his eyes when he played for his love. He remembered the tears he wept when they were separated. Baron remembered how the young man grew old, with children of his own, who had their own children, and how despite everything, he still waited for his love to return. It was that love that gave him life, and he felt it as if it were his own.

Despite living a life so rich, the man felt haunted. And Baron felt it too. Haunted by the past. Haunted by what ifs and whys. It was strange how often Baron would long for a life that could never be his. 

The work helped. The work was in the present, and it was something he could act on. Baron could rescue a young girl trapped by a king. He could solve a mystery under a golden sea. He could duel a knight with cruel intentions. He could not change the past. Or prevent the inevitable future.

The old man was gone, the girl who wrote his story grown, with children of her own. Life had moved on. Baron remained the same. He would always remain the same. He still felt that love, that haunting what-if. He probably always would. Despite everything he experienced, he could not understand how the old man could hold on to a love like that.

Then he met Haru. He had gotten on so well with her. They worked as well as cogs in a clock in the field, talked like duelists, and he loved to make her laugh. It was only after working with her for several years that he realized what he was feeling.

It scared him. Not because of his own heart, but of old man’s love. He could never stop loving that young woman he knew in Europe. He dreamed of her till the end. He was always haunted by her ghost, until what he loved was a re imagining of the girl he had known. 

Baron didn’t want to lose Haru, but to forget her was a far worse fate.

One day she would go. He hoped it was long in the future, after she had lived a long life full of happiness. But it would happen and Baron would still be here.

Despite how badly he wanted her to say, he hoped that when it was time, he was strong enough to let her go.


	6. Midnight Snack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a little loose with the interpretation with this prompt.

Haru was running for her life. 

Her job involved a lot of running.

This time she was on her own. 

And she was being hunted. 

A clawed hand brushed across her cheek and she shrieked, turning a corner. The creature cackled, almost in her ear, though she was certain she was starting to outrun him.

She crashed into the wall, falling back onto the hard concrete. She looked up with a groan.

“Dead end…” a sinister voice chuckled.

She scrambled to her feet, back against the wall.There stood the hunter, tall pale and grinning at Haru with a sinister, fanged smile.

“Looks like you’re out of options,” he chuckled, gliding towards her.

“Stay away from me,” she stammered, heart pounding in her ears..

“Tempting,” he said tapping a claw, thoughtfully against his mouth. “But it’s almost midnight, and I’m getting hungry.”

Haru reached into her pocket, pulling out a small canister and raised it in front of the vampire with trembling hands.

The vampire blinked in surprise, but began to chuckle.

“Oh sweetheart,” he purred, “Do you really think that will help? Surely you’ve figured out there’s no way out of this. But don’t worry. I’ll be nice and gentle.”

Haru glared and spritzed the garlic spray right into his eyes.

The creature howled in pain clutching his face. Haru didn’t waste a second, grabbing the heavy iron candlestick from her bag. She lunged, smacking the creature repeatedly with the weighted end. With each hit she yelled.

“DON’T! CALL! GIRLS! YOU DON’T! KNOW! SWEETHEART! DON’T! STALK! PEOPLE! AND STOP! BEING! NASTY!!!”

Baron’s hand grabbed her wrist before she could land another blow.

“As much as he deserves it, perhaps he’s had enough,” he said gently.

Haru looked down at the creature, who lay on the ground moaning.

“You might be right,” she said out of breath.

“So,” said Muta, “This is the creep who's been attacking humans.” Muta wasted no time restraining the vampire’s wrists and feet.

“Indeed,” said Baron. “Once he’s been returned to his kingdom’s authorities, he won’t be able to bother anyone anymore.”

“He’ll think twice before coming back here,” Muta growled, lifting the vampire under one arm. He gave an approving nod to Haru. “Nice work kid.”

Haru nodded. She was trembling, but that beat down almost felt therapeutic. The fight was brief and she was uninjured. She wasn’t afraid. The exhaustion she felt had more to do with all the running she had just done.

Baron looked at her with concern, but she brushed his concern aside.

“I’m fine Baron. Really. Nothing some tea and sleep won’t cure.”

“That I can help with.” he gave her a small smile, and they walked towards the Bureau. “Is there anything else?”

“Yeah, next time, you can be the bait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm realizing my interpretation of Haru is a bit more violent than cannon. I'll just blame it on Muta's influence.

**Author's Note:**

> One day, I may write a sequel that's just Toto's ongoing war with the PTA. Muta would probably join in after Susan said his cake was dry.


End file.
